Alpha Beta

Words........they are just letters put together to give an explanation of what we know,feel,live and believe.Words and languages were created by man and as the saying goes "Lost In Translation" these words can never truly express how I feel because they have lost meaning in the translation. For me to say "I Love You" you can only get a glimpse of how I feel but these words can't show you how I truly feel. For now accept these words until I learn how to show you the true meaning of Love.

Path

I was once told "Theres the door is up to you if you want to walk through it"
Only now do I finally understand what I was being told. I am in control of my life,I am the one responsible for the choices I make good or bad its my path to walk but if I dont believe in the path that I walk it would have been better for me to not walk at all. I spent so many years doing what I was told until I lost my own will to make myself happy,I was always concerned about what everyone else thought and how I should make them happy. thinking that I would be selfish to worry about myself first,but who is going to be there when I need help? Why would I expect anyone to help me now when they never did before but still Im not angry because I never expected anything from them in the first place. There is just the cold hard truth that you cant always depend on people around you even though they say they are your friends,family or your true love. This is my path to walk and I cant expect anyone else to walk it for me. Am I against being social or in love? I think not. I just say dont set your expectations higher than they can reach. For the time being I have not yet found the person that I can be around where I feel as if they arent dragging me down or holding me back so I cant help but seclude myself from those around me. I may not yet know my destination but that will never stop me from walking down my own path.

food for thought

Fate or destiny some believe but some don't. There is a path of fate that we all walk called life and death no one has escaped this fate yet but I know you are going to get all technical on me and talk about choices you make in life and how you can alter this so called fate,true enough anyone can change their life in a blink of an eye but their own conscience wont let them make those decisions because sure we can choose what we eat where we live or other choices like these but deep down inside you are destined to be the person you are no matter how you may try no one can change your morals your outlook on life not even you can change your self because you believe in who you are and don't care about others opinions on your life.So in the end we are destined to be who we are sure you can change your appearance but no one can change who you are at heart.

Me,Myself and I

My hand stretched out reaching for salvation. "Save me" I shout but the words never left my mouth. Falling into the darkness of the abyss I have no deliverer,my soul has no rest,my heart feels no love but my mind still believes in redemption.My subconscious leads me in my time of disarray like a knee jerk reaction it shows me who,what, when and where.So I can't help but talk to myself because you have always been there for me no matter the situation you are always by my side.I can trust no one else like I trust you,I can love no one else like I love you because even when I make mistakes I look in the mirror and you are the only one that always sees eye to eye with me and you never look down on me.Sure you may beat me up from time to time for poor decisions but in the end you are always there to pick me up and show me which way to go next.So even if I was the only man left on the face of the earth I will never be alone.

Chemistry

There is this thing called chemistry.I ask myself repeatedly what does it really mean,until finally I decided to look up its definition.

CHEMISTRY:

1.	the science that deals with the composition and properties of substances and various elementary forms of matter. .

2.	chemical properties, reactions, phenomena, etc.: .

3.	the interaction of one personality with another:

I read these definitions and my understanding of chemistry is slightly increased,but still I feel as if there is more depth to this definition of chemistry that has not been explained as of yet.

As time passes by I begin to realize that my own ignorance is what kept me from truly understanding in depth what chemistry is.

We all have chemistry as we interact one with another and that chemistry has produced many different relations of friendship,love,happiness,entertainment or just good times together.

Just as there were positive reactions from this chemistry negative reactions were produced as well in the form of hate,anger,strife,unrest and in cases racism.

I look at chemistry now with a better understanding,knowing that the interaction of two or more properties have many different outcomes.

Now it all makes sense.

There are an innumerable amount of reactions that can be created through chemistry some good some bad some productive some destructive and even in many cases there is no reaction at all.

So in this lesson I understand that some chemistry works well together,while some may create chaos,and in the end I realize that just because two properties may mix together that does not necessarily mean you will have a positive reaction,its all in the science of chemistry.

If Only

The skies begin to darken as clouds colored dark as death loom over our heads.I can see as the lightning strikes without hesitation illuminating the skies with a warning,a storm is approaching.I can feel the rain descending as if the skies were crying upon me in agony.I hold my head looking for a retreat, to find shelter from the storm.My natural reaction is to run,but deep inside I can hear him speaking to me.I hesitate in doubt,unsure as to what reaction I should make.I can hear his voice getting louder,part of me that is overcome with fear wants to run away,but my legs never budged in the direction of retreat.He knows me,he knows what I am destined to do and he will never let me forget my responsibility,my duty,my calling.......I stand here knowing that his words are spoken in truth,the reason I can not run away.One last time he repeats himself....


You Must Face This Storm Head On.

Without Hesitation

If I could be granted one thing in my life what would I choose?Would I choose to be wealthy?Would I choose to be blessed with the presence of those I love?Would I choose to posses health and longevity?Would I choose to be admired,praised by those surrounding me?I think these things all appeal to us in different ways,but no one can truly understand me better than I can.What is that one thing you would give up your world for to obtain?I realize that I would give it all up if I could truly find that one invaluable prize,they one thing we all long for.The one thing that as I lie here awake in these hours of unrest,the one thing that could set me free like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon and let my spirit soar in the skies without a burden to weigh me down.What is it that I would choose you ask?


I Would Choose Deliverance.

My Inner Man

*Sigh* Here we go again,just another day fleeing like grains of sand slipping through my fingers the more force I use to keep hold the faster it all slips away.I no longer waste my breath to ask why,as if I am to receive an answer.Greater powers do they truly exist,I believe so,but I feel as if they let us fall,feel pain,suffer,live in turmoil so we will one day realize just how feeble we truly are.Greatness,love,appreciation,wealth,and happiness these are our aspirations but somewhere down the line we have lost sight of what is truly important,hell we hardly remember the reason we set out on our conquest of life,and slowly corruption has found its way into our hearts and blinded our eyes so that we no longer feel the same affection towards our fellow brotheren."Every man for him self","This is a dog eat dog world","Always watch your back","Look out for number one first and foremost", and on and on the quotes of selfishness are beaten into our minds like nails into a casket,we have sealed ourselves off from those around us so we can be in solitary confinement,now we no longer have to be untrustworthy because the walls of our mental fortress repel all intruders from coming close enough to cause us any harm.I am not niave to say all should be trusted, just like the sun rises in the morning and the moon glows at night,the sides of good and evil constantly oppose each other.I just wonder sometimes do they really take themselves seriously when they say "United We Stand"

I wonder why so many days I wake to wonder why?What am I doing?Where am I going?Why am I wating?When will I figure it out?Who can show me the way?

Labeled

There is nothing more depressing than being labeled
Being labeled as something you know you can never be

To be looked up to when I can't even hold my head up
to be depended on when I can't even carry my own burdens
to be loved when I hate myself so much

How did I end up in this state I'm no hero
I could never be, don't look up to me, don't say you admire me

I am nothing but a mistake,thats all I will ever be
Too many flaws to count, too many mistakes to remember

How could I ever be respected
This must be your way of mocking me

Part of me wants to walk in those shoes
To wear those labels
but the real me knows that is not my place

What about redemption,does it truly exist
could I..........could I make the changes necessary
not because I want to be looked up to,but because I don't want to be undependable
I don't want to be untrustworthy,I don't want to be like him.

Try this

Heres something to try
Over the next few days hesitate before you speak

Take a second and think about what you are about to say and the effect the words will have
How will he/she take what I'm about to say

If you can do this you will learn something
like learning a new skill

Try it and let me know how it goes

Its funny how people think their lives suck so much but they are envied by others
gives new meaning to the saying: one mans trash is another mans treasure,huh?

Why are we so in insatiable,gluttonous,demanding, oh so selfish
its always me,me,me,mines,mines mines.

Am I the only person in existence ?
does the world revolve around me?

Then why are my wants more important than the needs?

It takes two to tango,but only one to be alone

Your own selfishness is what pushes people away
you must first give before you can receive

You must be a vampire
If only you could take a look at yourself.

The Assembly Line

If my life is mine to live why is my opinion not fact
why is my truth revealed as lies to the gullible

Why is my way of life wrong to those who wish to judge so
are we not all pawns to society freedom of thought does it truly exist

Yes or know

The wars of morality are waged everyday
if i choose the path that is right in my own eyes
am I really my own person am I really living my life

Who paved the paths of right and wrong that we follow?

Are we not just clay in the potters hand
shaped to live someone else life
forced to believe someone else truth
we choose to believe but their beliefs are not our choice

Are you still your own man?

If We Knew

If only we knew when and where to be at the right time
when to speak when to hold our peace

Words left unspoken can sometimes leave lives unbroken
but the truth hurts we all know,I just wish I didn't always know

Holding my silence is almost like lying
should I,why wouldn't I

I understand in life we can't always choose the hands that are dealt
but its all in how you play the cards........right?

Responsibility,we want the rewards of it but not the chores
Look at death he may not love his job but someones got to do it
how else could we get to the promised land.

But still I bear my burden of speaking the truth
because nothing hurts more than being deceived by the ones you trust

I may not know when the time is right,
or the right words to speak,but I do know the right path to walk

The Strength of Unity

The greatest nations the strongest people are not the likes of men
they exist all over the world but are constantly overlooked

If men could learn from these true leaders
to pattern ourselves after the wise
working and living together in unity

We would overcome our most frightening fears
achieve our greatest dreams
rise above the lowest of times
perform the greatest feats

If only we could see past our own delusions of self interest

Where do these leaders reside?

All around us,but can you step down off of your high horse to take a look?

Confide in

Shelter from the storm like the comfort a child finds in his parents embrace
where can i find that type of security,to be able to take my guard down

Is there a place of solitude where i can put my mind at ease and rest my soul
where I can trust and not be skeptical,where i can lean and not fall

As sure as the suns rise and it's set
I want to put my confidence in that which is unchangeable

Someone who will never betray my trust
Someone who will never leave me in my darkest hours
Someone to comfort my soul
Someone to catch my tears
Someone to embrace my insecurity
Someone to build my confidence
Someone to model myself after

As I look within my souls yearning for guidance
The path to the promised land

There is only one whom I can trust.

My Fathers Lessons

I never knew my dad I have never seen him face to face.Honestly I never want to see his face (am i filled with hate,I think not)and if i never see it I don't think I would regret my decision.He's never been around so why would I need him now.Sure he says he is my father,but he probably couldn't tell me when i was born.He was too busy living his life.Am i wrong for wanting to be happy,do we not all have the right to be happy?We all have the right just don't go about it the wrong way.It must be the happiness that keeps him up at night I guess its the happiness that causes him to cry when he thinks how selfish he really is.What does it mean to be a father is that just a badge given out to someone who can have children.A father in my opinion is someone you can depend on someone that despite all of lifes troubles will wake up each day and fight to overcome and never back down.a father is someone that has advice for you when you don't always want it but more so when you need it.A father is someone i can look up to and appreciate no matter how much money he has what kind of clothes he wears how well he loooks or speaks but I know within myself thats my father.Alot to live up to, something this guy will never achieve, to be my father hahaha he's kinda late don't you think.Don't worry even though you weren't around I still learned a lot from you like the type of person I would never want to be and how not to live my life so all in all you did teach me something so i guess i can't hate you.You say you want my forgiveness. My real father would never need to be forgiven..........

Our Vision

Free your mind be at ease
find your zen your place of peace

in the worlds beauty overlook the pain
we all have sorrows but what did we gain

in the suns set i can see peace and harmony
in the stars glow i can see love and happiness
in the clouds shape i can see freedom and genuineness
in the rivers flow i see endurance and determination
in the mountains stature i see strength and leadership
in the flowers bloom i see patience and beauty
in the laughter of children i see happiness and joy

its all around us but do you take time to see

I have learned alot in my short time on this earth
but I still need to learn more. There are so many ways to look at life but who am I to say who's wrong and who's right.Live your life the way you see fit don't be ashamed of who you are and what you think.So what if my family does not always agree with me this is my life my time my choice its all mines.Its not yours so keep your opinions to your self,what i could have done or how i should live.It sounds fine and dandy but I'm going to be myself thats the only way i know how to live. Yea you live you learn,if we didn't make mistakes we wouldn't have erasers or a backspace XD.So how i choose to live is my choice.Don't ever sell out and live someone else life be your self and see how things turn out.

The Approach

There is this girl who I like
we see each other every day
but i can't find the right words to say

When I just look at her my heart pounds
louder and louder grows the sound

My throat feels dry
my palms so sweaty
what do I say
am I not ready

We wave and nod each passing day
share a smile and go our way

Just do it just do it
my conscience screams
but my body won't move
when i see her eyes gleam

Like the sun's rise in all its majesty
Like the stars glow in all its beauty

I find the nerve to speak
but only one word

Hello.....I said
Hi.....she replies

How are you....we ask at the same time
Ok and you we both replied

We both laughed nervously and conversed more
Yes!....,,,,I finally found what I wished for

Compromise? Really??

You say i need to compromise
and not be so selfish

May I ask when is your turn?
I give you take
you ask I buy
you cry I comfort
you complain I compromise

Two is greater than one
and one is equal to one
one minus one equals zero

Math......it solves the equation

SUNRISE

A dreams hope is placed upon a shooting star
can you guide me to my destination

In a glimpse it passes by,while I wait for the right time

Destiny is fate that we can't escape
so stop trying to force what will take place

patience is a virtue that cannot be replaced
so be still be calm and watch as fate makes its way

like the suns rise our lives take course
seasons change so fret not when things take a turn for the worse

even after the most chilling nights
the sun will rise again and shine its glorious light

Oh Gawd

Why is everything i write so emo-ish XD
where the hell is all this coming from...............

This is all your fault.

O_O

My life

Have you ever woke up one day and asked yourself what am I really doing here
people always say life is what you make of it but what if all i can make is mistakes

Is this really an existence?
or a so called life.

Goals we set them
Achievements we earn them
Love we search for it
Happiness we obtain
Peace of mind

We wake up to live our lives
to accomplish our dreams

But,is life really worth living
or is living really worth life?

Love?prt 2

You say you love me
but if i don't reply

Does that mean I don't have feelings for you
for me to be here is proof enough of this

If you would only take the time to think this through

Sure i could say I love you,but does that make it true
If my lies could be your truth, let my silence be your guide

Some words carry great significance
and are not taken lightly

So have you yet realized

The words I love you are as powerful as saying I do.

love?

Love i believe that it exists
i just have not experienced it yet
people are quick to say I love you
without fully understanding
we all have our own interpretation of love
so just because you have found yours doesnt mean i've found mines
so if i cant reply.......
this is why......to be continued

Vampires

We are so quick to ask why
we are so quick to judge
we are so quick to condemn
we can only see life from our point of view
our answers are never wrong
our lives are better than anyone else
we are the center of attention
when we speak people should listen
when we walk people should follow
but take a second and look in the mirror
do you see that?
just as i thought nothing is there.

High Score

I try my hardest to achieve the highest score
i put my block into place but nothing happens
what am i doing wrong
maybe i need to rotate it
move it to the left or right
still nothing........................
as time passes by i realize
no one block alone can achieve the highest score